guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Welp...herpes.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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