4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
how can u be prego again
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
