You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
