I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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