This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
