Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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