Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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