before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
