More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
