So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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