The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
