it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
