the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So squirting runs in the family.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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