perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I will pee on everything he values.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
