he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
