I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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