Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
