I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
