So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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