I bet he comes in French.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
