He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
