i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
