who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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