If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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