Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
