just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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