This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
