You really coming over, don't trick.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
