Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
