i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
