Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
How's work?
Spinning.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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