Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
