Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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