also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
