What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
