You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
