u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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