you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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