$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
