and she was petting her beer can
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
