So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
