I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
