your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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