haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
