Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
