it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
