I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
