party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
