I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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