Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
